the pace of life is strange.  a person is brilliant yet people seem mindless and numb to their surroundings.  they accept reality as it's placed before them never questioning their role in its creation.  never grasping that reality is perception and that collective perception is what defines truth in a society.  through consequentialism lies a better understanding of the path we must walk in order to reach a non consequentialistic order where right and wrong is defined in its entirety; eliminating all discrepancy found in our semantic driven problems and ascending to becoming one race in a journey of self realization and self fulfillment.  I believe we could one day be there.  I have to. Otherwise I lose sight of the light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

down in the slums in that place we all work so hard to forget; I find myself trying to untangle my grip on a lesser vision of reality. a 24 hour mask that crumbles on the 12th hour as the sheet of night blocks out the light that helps keep the demons inside. I can't kick hard enough to counter the anchor of inadequacy that pulls to the bottom of this sea of emotions.. I scale the walls in search for an exit until I grow tired enough to not remember the moment the nightmare pauses for the dream to begin. I have the urge to run and never look back, to live and see it all for myself but then I hit the wall with signs pointing back home..back to my mom. See, to have the urge isn't always enough to have to drive; a drastic move like the one I desire requires a push- a reason to run, which I have not. I have lost all but a minuscule portion of my trust for my fellow human being and I fear that in my search for a greater purpose I will only find myself looking back to fulfill the sense of connection I stride for.. I haven't even stepped out the door and I already miss my mother, I already worry and feel my heartbeat get heavier just thinking about her disposition in life.. I wish I could give her the life that I know she deserves.. maybe then I could go in peace to find my place, but until then I fear this burning war will wage on within me. nothing about life is fair. the rich get richer and dive further into their ignorance of life's true values while the poor get poorer while gaining a sense of enlightenment that helps adjust the balance for all the pleasures they know not of but nonetheless leaving them helpless to the outcome of the greater picture. lifestyles of overindulgence are built on the bare backs of those held deceived that one day they'll get a piece of the pie so long as they eat crumbs and do as their told without question. it makes me sick to my stomach. I cannot bare the thought and contemplation of the human condition's spectrum in quality of life. why them and not us. what have we done to deserve this life stamped by insignificance. why does paper rule the world in place of love? so far to the point where that word has practically lost it's meaning. life is a miraculous gift that should be celebrated every day the sun rises but instead we have made a dark cloud of it where no light can penetrate without a price tag attached to it. what is freedom? just another word for gray; subject to holder and how hard they worked to convince themselves.. but unlike the color it isn't real.. through its tones every degree of freedom we cherish comes with terms and conditions. I wonder where along the line it all went wrong.. a primitive characteristic evolves until one day they call it sophistication forever nullifying the fact that its roots will always come from a primitive place; such ideas must be cleansed and redefined if we're to have any hope in keeping our place in the cosmos. my pain runs hard and deep as I tear inside between my struggle to find reason and my will to survive.

and the night is still young..

I remember the days when we used to get high just from feeding off the reflected look in our eyes. Stars at our reach and legs that would never grow tired no matter how rough we thought the road might get. Life was simple. Life made sense. But time would soon begin to wither away the veil that protected our conviction from all the harsh restrictions that the world has in store. Happiness is a picture best portrayed in crayons with all of it's purity and freedom. Empty eyes now chase extinguishing flames- hoping to change and go back to from where we came. I feel so fucking cheated and yet I still smile, for they struggle for inches while I take the mile.

'don't deny me, understand that I...
...I am a monster.
I am a monster- won't you come with me now?'

companionship. what it's always been about.

maybe more, but never less.

we may argue semantics for the rest of time with only blinking moments comprising a true connection; but when it's made, all around will cease to matter as you fall into the embrace of a greater power. there is a lock inside us all, hidden beneath a variable set of layers composed of fear, resentment and distrust but what it conceals is the answer to eternal life. no two locks are the same and yet no lock bears a greater secret than another- a radiant beauty that fills all the empty space, a warmth that makes you forget the cold, a hand to hold while stepping into the dark. we called it love, and in labeling it we have, subconsciously, created walls to bind it's purpose and reach. to love is to know, understand and share but a fraction of another souls joy and pain; a few steps in someone else' shoes gives an idea of where they've been, where they're going and how they got there. judgment is replaced with empathy and compassion as you begin to pick the lock and understand the beauty it harbors. once unlocked, an overwhelming wave takes the mind into a state of pure euphoria where logic is skewed by vulnerability in a free fall towards the unexpected- an adrenaline rush to counter that which we feel when we're put face to face with the possibility of death. To face love is to live life and to touch God, for we are the manifestation of that greater power and when we open ourselves up to each other we let a divine light illuminate into the deepest and darkest parts of our soul. Our troubles are shared and in turn eliminated for there is nothing we can't overcome together; even death. I believe that when we leave this plane of existence, all those we truly came to love during the span of our life will be waiting in an endless dream we'll call paradise. The love you gain for another etches them into your memory with the utmost detail, leaving it to the subconscious to wield a world beyond our imagination where the course of action throughout your life has made up the foundation to an eternal world fabricated by your reflections.

So if I've come to love you then together we will be forever, and if you've come to love me, I will be waiting for you on the other side.

a breath above

my head shoots above the clouds
and I gasp to catch my breath
my mind is calm for now;
the little of what's left.
there's poison in the air
and they live to breathe it all
parasites everywhere
seeping through her walls
compelled by their lust
and driven by greed
they eat at her crust;
with no end to the feed.
and now I take in the last big breath
before gravity takes control
their chains may bind me to the death
but they'll never take my soul.

a hand

never doubt the reach of a beautiful hand
nor the depths it grasps with its light
turning steel to wool and stone to sand
as walls collapse made of pain and spite.
there is an 'out there'
there's so much more
she really would care
to sew what's torn
but that's a step above where you're yet to go;
to become two, you must first be one
embrace yourself and don't let go
find your exit, then just run.
never fear the reach of a beautiful hand
or all the dark exposed by its light.

walk with me
for once I'll set the pace
talk with me
can you even look me in the face?
tell me more of this road
that eats me more with every step
and what of these flakes of gold,
instead of piles, this is all we get?
why after so many steps, we've yet to begin?
are we there yet? is this the end?
if not, then where does it really go?
is there really a beyond
or is it placed there all for show?
I see you're gone now
leaving only me on a road you paved.
But what goes up no doubt comes down
and you'll receive every piece of confusion
that you gave.

we all walk the unknown road paved for us.
don't buy their dream.
find your own and pave your own road to it.
escape the dead end crash.

this thing

it's counting the seconds on a clock
it's falling freely with no weight
it's conviction solid as a rock
it's when no one else can relate
it's caring so much it starts to hurt
it's floating in a sea of fire
it's feeling better but getting worse
it's believing in a liar
it's hitting the ground alone
it's opening the eye
it's never finding home
it's where dreams go to die
it's a lung without a breath
it's a scream with no echo
it's dancing beside death
it's not being able to let go
it's nothing like they said
it's nothing from above
it's breathing when your dead
it's anything but love

Life in the fast lane becomes a dream world with highs and lows beyond conscious imagination. Worlds blend and soon it's hard to tell where the waking ends and the dreaming begins.
I balance myself along the line that divides it all. I now see how easy it is to slip into either side. Their blur now becomes my clarity.
Something bigger lies beyond their carrot on a stick and I'm determined to find it.
I'll scale the walls in the dark until I find that hole leading to my escape.